You do make me more happy than I’ve ever known how to.
You deserve someone who will always text back,
someone who will kiss you and won’t blame it on alcohol.
You deserve someone who will never make you feel like you can’t be loved.
You deserve someone who can see the pain behind your smile
and comfort you without a word.
You deserve someone who will hold you and tell you everything will be okay when it seems like the world is crumbling down.
You deserve someone who will never leave you or take you for granted, who has seen you at your worst and still loves you.
I have all the good intentions toward you. I don’t want to let you know my feelings because I’m still trying to protect myself in some way. Truth to be told, I’ve never fell for anyone as much as you but you never knew that because I tried to keep my front. Pride isn’t a part of this equation, it’s just me protecting our friendship until I’m sure that the feelings are mutual. Even if you were drunk and you initiated everything, I can’t even let myself to take advantage of it…as much as I wanted to. That’s because I truly care for you. We both know feelings escalated at one point and we both can pretend that everything is a mistake. But being intoxicated isn’t an excuse…I know what I was doing, even if you don’t. It was a lot harder for me to push you away when I was drunk than when I was sober, but I did it. It’s not because I don’t want it, it’s because it didn’t feels right when you & I both weren’t in our right mindset. I cherish moments and I don’t want this to just be another one of those flings. I’m old enough and I’m not going to blame myself for gravitating towards and wanting something that’s real.
I’m 20 years old and I’ve pretty much never been in love or even in a somewhat serious relationship. I think I’ve been doing my life all wrong. I just don’t know anymore.
I’ve came to the conclusion that I don’t want your love when you’re drunk, I want it when you’re sober.